Letter # 1
Hey,
I must admit that the beginning was really hard, I had not the faintest idea how to call you. Over the years I have called you in so many ways, but the fact is that you are no longer Ciccio few years probably, and simply call with your name makes me too weird, I feel so far away, and yet are not so fortunate as to be able to detach myself so much.
Now I could spend hours writing a long letter and a book, I did not post any kind of limit, but I feel that my farewell is shorter than expected.
Since that day, probably in May, when I noticed a lot of emotions I felt seeing you, meeting, thinking, ricodandoti. Most of the time I think I've cried and esermi felt useless, helpless, weak and not worthy of your consideration. At other times, but I smiled, thinking how I was sweet and tender, but if you say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I believe it for a little sweetness. At other times I felt so much anger and disgust that I was missing my breath, but do not worry because the hatred in fact most of the time was secretly sent to me for not being able to Essert height, or fail to heal from that fucking addiction. But for every moment, every emotion he felt for you was always based on the fact that I have loved you. I loved you. I still write "I know it may seem exaggerated told by a thirteen year old, but it's true." Now that phrase does not seem so crazy to me because I have almost 18 years. They are large enough to three months to go halfway around the world alone and work, are large enough to have decided my future, and then for the "people" should be big enough to love. Yet, I still feel that at times thirteen, maybe that's why I keep close to you, although I'm a ghost in your life. A ghost that you can see through very well, even if you get that look on him sometimes makes me euphoric and extremely uncomfortable. I stop for a moment to think. These things should not I write this farewell letter, but I do not know what to write, maybe I should give up, delete everything. I stop, look at the screen the way I look at you. So decided, reasonable and not despair. A look worthy of Liv Taylor. And you know, she had decided to write this letter, you shed the weight and therefore I must and will go through.
Now I can think of that until a few days ago, everything that happened to me was trying desperately to show it in some way to get your attention as if I were shown to be at least a little bit special. I feel so stupid and pathetic if you think about it. It should not happen again. Make
and be part of my life, this is something I have to accept me even if it is a bit difficult, but what I want is to go forward. Do not resist until the day that happens, or try to forget and live a new life without you. I want you to stop being my point of support, my hometown as were a few months ago. I do not deny that a part of me would still like to sit on the steps of the porch and wait for the sunrise with you, but there is another part that wants to strongly did not want. There is a part of me that wants to look into your eyes when passing, composure and not get excited, and continue to move forward without going the whole day thinking about it and disturbed. That part of me also wants to stop smiling when he hears mention your name, giving certainty to any of those feelings I feel for you in a while we all now are aware of. Easy to do well here, look so easy when I see you then determined whether all security breaks down and I still feel that little girl, and I still beat the smile, and you appear in my dreams. But going forward, not "go", "change", "will be different", no verb in the future, only present. I'm tired of waiting for something to change, I'm tired of waiting to be transformed from Cinderella to Princess, I'm tired of these dead times, I'm tired of being tired. This change must take place now, and just because you know, do not ever let your girlfriend to look that way.
Goodbye Luke, but above all, goodbye Ciccio. Get ready to be part of the background of my life and no longer be the central character. I've done with you.
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